Which is what it was when I bought my 1989 Colony Park fourteen years ago. With 70,000 miles on the odometer it proceeded down the avenues with the dignity of a dowager empress and the maneuverability of a battleship in a fjord. It was pretty good going forward at moderate speeds at midday. At night, it’s weary yellow headlights couldn’t see so good and its tiny mirrors had to trust that whatever was behind its ass end wasn’t intending anything really gross.
It was dangerous in the rain, worse in the snow and when the brakes were hammered hard on dry pavement, they locked up and the car became a two ton sled. The engine knocked. If I used my notebook as a music player and forgot to unplug when I stopped for gas, the starter would draw the computer battery. On 100 degree days at 70 mph if I used the A/C it overheated . When the sun was rising or setting I couldn’t see through the pocked windshield but if I didn’t drive at night, at high speeds on beltways, in heavy rain or slush, at dawn or dusk and the alternator didn’t catch fire, it was exactly what I was looking for.
I compete in sheepdog trials, don’t have much money and this enormous (same size as a Ford F250, crewcab, standard bed) could haul 4 dogs in crates or six with one loose and got 18 miles per gallon and the passenger seat was comfortable enough to sleep in.
I wanted a “Shooting Brake”. Years ago, fancy Brits modified their Bentleys into a wagon to haul dogs and hunters and guns to their shooting stands., I didn’t have one of those. I had a Boulevard Cruiser”.
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I paid $2500 for the Cruiser and wrecked it six months later. The car slid off our icey dirt road – just a fenderbender, I thought. Nope. Frame broke.
That was the first time it was TOTALED. I swapped my renta a car coverage for the title. The insurance company’s check was $2500. Fortunately. Ratchet, my shade tree mechanic wasn’t busy that winter so he jacked the car into cinderblocks, scooted the frame out and replaced it with a Lincoln hearse frame. He also sent the engine to a first rate engine rebuilder and found a 91 front clip in the junkyard.
It was rusting at the vinyl edges so next year I had the vinyl removed and the car painted. Real paint, no clearcoat.
Finding GMN was a huge relief. There were people who KNEW about these cars. In Skippyville, real mods became possible. Scott and Thaine were brilliant engineers and Scott’s prices were reasonable. (I once told Scott that if he’d fallen in love with Porches instead of big Fords, he’d be a rich man.)
So, when I could afford it between sheepdog trials, Scott, Thaine and later Ivan and John modified the car.
Deer Pusher, fogs, Helas, driving lights replacing cornering and backup lights, roller lifters, undershot pulley, three cell radiator, tranny and ps pump coolers, fusible links replaced with fusebox, electrics limiter, 4G alternator, ac condenser drain, police steering and suspension, aluminum drive shaft, 16” Cartier wheels, Avid performance tires, devinyled, degunked and rustproofed, tinted, big brake 4 wheel ABS, posi, auto dimming heated power mirrors, oil & temp gauges, back up sensor, Garmin GPS,., steering wheel ipad, driveway lights and doorlock remotes, contractor’s console w/ trash bin, tailgate window wiper.
I put 235,000 more miles on it. Florida, Maine, West Texas, Montana, New York City. I wrecked it in West Virginia, Florida and Virginia (twice in Virginia if you count running over that boulder). It’s come home on a wrecker four times and killed four deer. Me and the dogs were never hurt.
Today, thanks to the folks at Skippyville and you on GMN, its about as safe as a new Cadillac – less accident survivable but more avoidable, gets better mileage than the Caddy, hauls more and is – yep – more comfortable. The Caddy’s accelerates faster and is uglier.
Born as a 1989 Mercury Colony Park, a “Boulevard Cruiser”, it has grown up to a “Shooting Brake”. Sure, there are more mods to be made. No reason it can’t out-accelerate a damn Caddy. This year I figure me and the dogs will take it to Florida, Montana and Ontario. Next year, who knows?
It’ll see me out.
Donald McCaig
It was dangerous in the rain, worse in the snow and when the brakes were hammered hard on dry pavement, they locked up and the car became a two ton sled. The engine knocked. If I used my notebook as a music player and forgot to unplug when I stopped for gas, the starter would draw the computer battery. On 100 degree days at 70 mph if I used the A/C it overheated . When the sun was rising or setting I couldn’t see through the pocked windshield but if I didn’t drive at night, at high speeds on beltways, in heavy rain or slush, at dawn or dusk and the alternator didn’t catch fire, it was exactly what I was looking for.
I compete in sheepdog trials, don’t have much money and this enormous (same size as a Ford F250, crewcab, standard bed) could haul 4 dogs in crates or six with one loose and got 18 miles per gallon and the passenger seat was comfortable enough to sleep in.
I wanted a “Shooting Brake”. Years ago, fancy Brits modified their Bentleys into a wagon to haul dogs and hunters and guns to their shooting stands., I didn’t have one of those. I had a Boulevard Cruiser”.
“
I paid $2500 for the Cruiser and wrecked it six months later. The car slid off our icey dirt road – just a fenderbender, I thought. Nope. Frame broke.
That was the first time it was TOTALED. I swapped my renta a car coverage for the title. The insurance company’s check was $2500. Fortunately. Ratchet, my shade tree mechanic wasn’t busy that winter so he jacked the car into cinderblocks, scooted the frame out and replaced it with a Lincoln hearse frame. He also sent the engine to a first rate engine rebuilder and found a 91 front clip in the junkyard.
It was rusting at the vinyl edges so next year I had the vinyl removed and the car painted. Real paint, no clearcoat.
Finding GMN was a huge relief. There were people who KNEW about these cars. In Skippyville, real mods became possible. Scott and Thaine were brilliant engineers and Scott’s prices were reasonable. (I once told Scott that if he’d fallen in love with Porches instead of big Fords, he’d be a rich man.)
So, when I could afford it between sheepdog trials, Scott, Thaine and later Ivan and John modified the car.
Deer Pusher, fogs, Helas, driving lights replacing cornering and backup lights, roller lifters, undershot pulley, three cell radiator, tranny and ps pump coolers, fusible links replaced with fusebox, electrics limiter, 4G alternator, ac condenser drain, police steering and suspension, aluminum drive shaft, 16” Cartier wheels, Avid performance tires, devinyled, degunked and rustproofed, tinted, big brake 4 wheel ABS, posi, auto dimming heated power mirrors, oil & temp gauges, back up sensor, Garmin GPS,., steering wheel ipad, driveway lights and doorlock remotes, contractor’s console w/ trash bin, tailgate window wiper.
I put 235,000 more miles on it. Florida, Maine, West Texas, Montana, New York City. I wrecked it in West Virginia, Florida and Virginia (twice in Virginia if you count running over that boulder). It’s come home on a wrecker four times and killed four deer. Me and the dogs were never hurt.
Today, thanks to the folks at Skippyville and you on GMN, its about as safe as a new Cadillac – less accident survivable but more avoidable, gets better mileage than the Caddy, hauls more and is – yep – more comfortable. The Caddy’s accelerates faster and is uglier.
Born as a 1989 Mercury Colony Park, a “Boulevard Cruiser”, it has grown up to a “Shooting Brake”. Sure, there are more mods to be made. No reason it can’t out-accelerate a damn Caddy. This year I figure me and the dogs will take it to Florida, Montana and Ontario. Next year, who knows?
It’ll see me out.
Donald McCaig
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