So if you ever wanted a street-legal monster truck that's actually somewhat useful...

[His Royal Ghostliness]

This is about as close to one as it gets:

https://seattle.craigslist.org/tac/cto/6307153475.html

8.3 Fummins, 6-spd Alli slushbox, lockers, military beadlocks, bigass winch, air ride seats...

I should probably buy it, then me and the SWMBO will have matching trucks... It's even on the proper coast for that!

Joke aside, here's how to make this more proper. First order of business should be to put it on a diet and lose as much weight as feasible - rear bumper needs to go, that ungodly contraption that passes for a hitch needs to go, front bumper is likely that size due to the winch behind it but still if there is any way to lose some fat off it that needs to happen. Build tube rear bumper, make hitch a swing-down setup so it doesn't drag while offroading. Fix that clusterfuck of a front driveshaft. Add larger fuel tanks, this 55 gallon per side ain't shit for a truck like that. Install the air ride cut-off it comes with in place of the rear leaf springs, find a way to soften the front leaf packs and add air-assist there as well. Headlights height is in violation of just about every state's law regarding that, install the factory-available blank-out panels and move the lights into the bumper (which is exactly what Ford did with previous gen tilt-nose). Finally derate the GVW to as close to 16000 lbs as possible, this will allow you to legally tow a trailer that isn't a camper - as it stands all the non-CDL GVW is being used up by the truck, so only camper trailers are allowed on the hitch, which is fine if the bed could actually be used properly, however it's a sheetmetal bed with a floor that sits like 5ft off the ground (yeah you'll really really want a trailer to go with that mess).

[gadget73]

As low as that rear hitch thing sits, doesn't it sort of defeat the purpose of adding ground clearance via lift kit?

I'd keep the front bumper but add a chrome pole to it, that way it serves as a dance floor for the strippers. Its certainly large enough. Also works as a place to stand while working under the hood if you didn't bring a ladder with you.

[sly]

I like my trucks and all... but that's too big. 1-ton trucks are about my limit. No need for a 5-ton with what I deal with.

[His Royal Ghostliness]

As low as that rear hitch thing sits, doesn't it sort of defeat the purpose of adding ground clearance via lift kit?

I'd keep the front bumper but add a chrome pole to it, that way it serves as a dance floor for the strippers. Its certainly large enough. Also works as a place to stand while working under the hood if you didn't bring a ladder with you.

It's actually not a lift kit per se, the front axle's differential is just so huge that the frame needs to sit that high so the pumpkin doesn't contact the engine oil pan above it. 2wd trucks have a drop-center I-beam front axle so they can sit pretty much as low as the front fenders allow it. That's the one downside to medium-duty 4x4 trucks, can't really make them not tall (well, we do have Axletechs now, so those can save quite a few inches of altitude on a modern truck). But yes, that trailer hitch is stupid - the pintle jaw is where it is cause that's where the trailer tongue sits and so not a whole lot can be done about that, but anything below it (which would be the D-rings for the safety chains) just has not good reason to be there. Not to mention the further away the D-rings are from the frame the more leverage on the hitch box in case the pintle coupler fails, and that's a bad idea for obvious reasons.

The stripper pole idea is actually nice, but with a slight twist to it - instead of one pole you add two and make it an A-frame, throw a pulley at the top and some chains and you just made yourself a crane. This is actually something I've been meaning to fab up for our version of this truck, but house work took priority last time around.

And the work platform unfortunately won't work with this truck cause it's a tilt-hood, like a big class-8 truck. Early-'80s and older trucks tho are set up like a regular pickup with a fixed front clip and normal hood, so with one of those that platform will work splendid.

I like my trucks and all... but that's too big. 1-ton trucks are about my limit. No need for a 5-ton with what I deal with.

Well, most people who have one of these don't really need-need it. This here thing in the ad, the way it sits, is only good for towing a heavy trailer thru crap terrain (but you gotta have a CDL to do so on public roads, cause truck GVW + trailer GVW >> 26k non-CDL limit), and also as a recovery unit for disabled offroad rigs assuming it can make it to where they broke down without hanging up on something. But it has great potential for more universal use, just needs a bit of help to get there.

[sly]

Makes sense. Still too big for me.