Come meet " Fakin Bacon "

[85crownHPP]

forget paint... you're right it aint free. we dont hate on anyone who isnt causing trouble

[Chuck Norris]

Now I have to say this, as a FAN of the black-and-white look: I'd either lose the rear door trim, or put trim in the same color on the front doors. Other than that, I wouldn't change anything in the color scheme.

[Rizzo]

As my body work skill is limited to wash,wax and polish..I dont know how id deal with the holes.

[351wcrayz]

Ummm....I allas heard the phrase "Don't fix what aint broken...."

[Rizzo]

^^^ That too

[LumpyCheeseman]

what the hell? its still black and white??? dude what the hell? you need to paint it. or sell it to me for 5 bucks so i can go powertrip and scare the shit out of people

:pw:


:club:

[LumpyCheeseman]

yes, btw, i am a worthless person lol.

[Rizzo]

Yeah I could paint the middle black and the ends white...THAT WOULD BE SWEET.

[Rizzo]

In all honesty

The first person who hands me $ 2000 gets the title in an hour.

I love him I really do...But man its two thousand dollars. Also if in my dreamland someone does buy him from me...You get LIFETIME membership to my garage and I will wrench on him for/with you.

Bacon's my buddy..Now im sad thinking about him driving away with someone else.

I can count on one hand the number or times I have ever SEEN my car driving away. With the exception of ONE mechanic its been the wife every time.

-_-_-_-_-_-_ BELOW THIS IS A BUNCH OF MEMEORY LANE TYPE SHIT.

October 10,2003


I rememeber when I drove him home. Bad pitman arm...He weaved a little. A buddy( RIP..shoot out with the cops ) and I drove down to Ohio to get him. i walked into the place and saw an Aero...B&W..With decal adhesive everywhere..with DEAD GRASS STUCK TO IT ...Not even have been greeted I shouted " I DROVE FROM MICHIGAN FOR THIS"..Out come Brett..He calms me down and we walk to the other end of the garage and ....sniff...there he is. Dusty...but I could see right thru it. Now I knew enough about CARS but I knew NOTHING about CV's. (I had always wanted cop car but I never wanted to BE a cop....Shot at..spit on..stabbed...Not for me man.) So I check out the fluids and start him up...Zero hesitation...Let the fan kick on and check the trans fluid. Brown...Brown brown brown...Dear god. I will skip all the parts where the guy tries to sell me a 9C1 that was dead and had forgotten to lie-down...And a ragged camaro with LED's all over it.

The test drive was enough to convince me . Cash in hand traded for an Ohio title and my best ability to do the right thing..transfered INS to this car already..Unregistered as it was. OFF to Michigan. Right to my drive way. I spent the next TWO weeks smoking outside waiting for the title. Id sit in him and having the forethought to fill the tank before I parked him I would start him every 3 days.

Then FINALLY CAME THE DAY. The title transfer came thru and I had to go to work and wait 2 more days before I had one off to get him legal.

Ok so blah blah Sec of state..yada INS yada.

First things first. CB radio. He has 2 antenna and light bar holes. The roof was plugged the trunk was not. So I need a CB antenna for that. Do you know how long it was before I discovered the trunk lid was aluminum and had to jump a ground to the hinge arms. Ok antenna and radio equipped which I installed in 20 minutes in the T/A truck stop parking lot. Off to the cleaners for a wash.The whole time im in PURE amazement of how well this car sounds,runs and drives. Just before this I owned a 1989 honda Prelude with AWS. Its a small white go-kart. I liked that car..but this THIS was a fucking giant car. Biggest car I have owned to date. I spent the next few pay checks doing what I thought was best..changing the oil castrol synthetic oil and what I now refer to as the "6 qt dilution solution" for the trans. Yeah I did the filter but I had NO idea about the TC drain plug for another year. Shit I didnt even find CVN until around 10 months or so after I got him.

So here I am pleased as punch at my Freakin sweeeet CV. I really must have been a real asshole the first 3 months..Never stopped talking about him. Fast forward into a year after I got him which is the next winter and I get my First WTF moment. He wont idle....Dies after I let off the gas. I used 2 pennies on the throttle screw ( knowing better than to turn that as I will forget how many turns and it will be off ) to keep him running til he warms up a little. Search online and Find CVN and the answer. The dreaded and all too often IAC reaper had claimed another victim.

Later that summer a guy with a 96 mustang 6 cyl decides he wants to race me. Now driving a B&W does elicit a noticeable reaction from the general public , But I worked with him. So this was my first Race. How do you guess that went.....rrriiiggghhhtttt.

Nothing noteworthy happens for YEARS until 2 winters ago. Get ready for work ( why is it ALWAYS then ) get in him, turn key...click. Check headlights and volt meter the battery.12.74. Shit the damn starter. Try a few rubber mallet blow to shake the brushes up..Nope....Try HOT water to warm it then a few more blows.. nada...Well call into work.starter died I need a day to fix it. Boss loves me and gives me no guff...Did I just say guff.. That turned into a week long ordeal. I borrowed 3' of 3/8 extensions to get that goddamn top/inside bolt out. I finally got it out , struggle with how to get it to drop with out jacking the motor. Of course thats the one socket I dont have...motor mount. After a week of an hour a day trying,prying and crying I got it out put in the new one.

I go into the house...The loving wife who has watched me go up and down all week comes out...Im in the living room with the lights off...She asks " ooohh baby still no luck" I reply " Yeah im really fucked now" she makes a pout face of shared frustration. " I dont know what im gonna do now" " What the fuck do I do with ....THIS. I hold out the starter like its a new born child or that ashtray we all made at school in art class. My smile meets in the back of my head. I almost drop it on my foot as I catch her jumping in my arms. Shes more proud of me than I am. Lady its a starter...oh who am I kidding ..YEAH BITCH I GOT YOU ( talking to the starter ). Ok I say I will be back. "Where you going ? " ...." Im going to work " ( my day off mind you ) " Why ? " ...." To throw this damn thing in


Thats an Inductotherm furnace that holds 14,000 lbs of molten steel.

a furnace at work. Off I go...I go into the shop and the best man from my wedding is there and he sees me and immediately GRINS...." Hey you got it huh" Yes I reply and with out further adu ...3 point from the goal line onto some UNMELTED scrap ...Bash goes the starter. I wait ....having 2 cigarettes until its slagged and poured.

Its a starter dude so what. Well before I got this steel plant job I called it a screwdriver....You prolly call it a butter knife. The strides my mechanical abilities have taken in the last 5 years have more than 4x'd what I knew before. I rode the short bus to school...No im not kidding. NO I DIDNT HAVE A HELMET....same bus tho.

Ok ok so all this time and 2 things go wrong I also end up having front bearings put on ( that when I saw the mechanic drive away in MY car )

Then I read about the TC drain plug...How to change diff fluid and what to put back in there...yada yada yada.

What else do I remember....

Oh before my wife and I got married . We went to go wash bacon and right after those blue strips come over the windshield I start to kiss her....all the way thru the car wash.

I remember the FIRST and only spill. It was her nephew Skylar..It was soda. Passenger side back seat. Hey its ok the seats are vinyl ...it washes...That was years ago and to this day NO ONE is allowed to drink in the back seat. EVER EVER EVER.

Bacons first CVN meet. It was thrown together in a week and only 2 of us showed up. Would you believe we were wearing the exact same outfit. That was SSOO unintentional. Red shirt blue jeans white shoes.

I can also recall the exact spot I could prove it was faster than the prelude...And no it wasn't when I counted the cylinders.
I used to drive home to our old place the same way everyday. There is a downhill section of road with a traffic light at the top. Like I had done a hundred times before with the prelude I NAIL IT.heading twords the same sign in the same spot.Except when I got to that sign this time ...I was already over the speed limit.

Lastly. I was too drunk to drive so my wife takes me up to the store to get some cigarettes. Shes in front and so is her friend. Also first time in the back seat or as a passenger.
My town also has B&W's.
We pull up and she puts it in park. I do my best impression of being cuffed. I lean over push down for the window...Dukes of hazard out the window while everyone out front watches some white dude with his hands behind back RUN LIKE HELL around the corner of the building.....To this day I am surprised I didnt get tackled by some Dudley Do Right.

Thank goodness I was at the right place at the right time...And the grass covered car was not ment for me......Yeah you know what....Keep your two grand.....How I feel about that 10 year old 4000 lb < 200 hp car.....Yeah that aint for sale.

Ok so im not the story teller Pirate is. But I thought it worth my time to type out all the flooding memories that came back. I do not guarantee its worth your tie to read it.

[1987cp]

Hey, welcome to GMN! And yeah, the car really did sounds pretty good leaving the parking lot (though the remainder of us were commenting that some folks must have a wish for traffic citations ... come do that here in Delhi Township and you'll know what I mean).

Love the part about throwing the starter in the furnace.

[Rizzo]

I got my flowmasters after that meet. But I had already done the rear end with 3.55's and the FRPP T-lok.

Thanks man.

[1987cp]

Oh yeah, what's a whacker?

[Rizzo]

1. Whacker: Someone who has an extensive number of emergency lights, whether legal or illegal on their POV. This person usually has several excuses to justify their light installations or usage. You can see these people in the larger population centers where surplus lights are more abundant. Usually they have light bars, dash lights, grill or hideaway strobe for no reason and try to find reasons to use them. Possible occupations of the typical whacker are security guard or some community safety club. Whackers tend to get hostile when confronted about their lights and they will name several tasks to justify their usage. Some stated tasks could be highway assistance, snow removal (with no plow attachment on the vehicle), an unforeseen emergency that will never happen, or anything that comes to the imagination in the heat of the argument. Some even go as far as to start up a business and outfit a retired police car just to have lights on a vehicle they own. These businesses usually are short lived and only do minimal business to keep the "company" they started alive. Usually whackers will have web sites celebrating their lighting abuse and you will see numerous flashy animations and pictures of real emergency vehicles with little to no real content. When confronting a whacker, you'll realize soon enough that they are always right, you are always wrong in their eyes. It's a mental state that only can be crushed by a dose of reality or leaving the whacker phase. The average whacker is probably a 16-28 year old white male, working a small or dead end job, lacking power at their job or in their personal life and is obsessed with police/fire shows, catalogs, or books.

2. WannaBe: Someone who takes drastic steps to imitate someone in the mental idea that by doing this they will become that someone over time. These types are overwhelming in their goal to become a police officer or fire fighter some day. Less than 5% of wannabe's ever advanced further than an armed security guard or a happy helper who helps those who don't want or need it. Wannabe's are in the news all the time being arrested for impersonating police officers or fire fighters or getting in their way and impeding progress. Wannabe's can be found wearing uniform style clothing around the house or in the public. These uniforms usually mimic the local law enforcement agency or the local fire department but not always true. They also can be found wearing "duty" belts while living their every day lives and hanging out at the local police/fire incident. When interacting with them they might tell you about their next "big order" from a police supply magazine and tell you how the local police/fire department is using the same item. Some wannabe's might not have the mental stability to enter a respected police or fire department so they always talk about their dreams of becoming one but never pass the tests required to be considered for hire. Wannabe's will usually have online screen or nick names with standard public safety terms. You will also find wannabe's praising and swearing to police favored equipment such as Glock pistols and police cruiser type vehicles.

A wannabe usually is what is listed above and might have an extreme case of "whackerism". You might see wannabe's with retired police cars sporting emergency lights to look and feel like a police car. Wannabe's will try to justify the car's looks by saying they use it for their security job or they use it when they do "part time" security work. Usually these are false claims. A wannabe might also talk about how powerful his car makes him feel and how others look at him when he's in it. When confronted, a wannabe will be deflective in their arguments such as quoting how their actions break no laws and the police want and appreciate their actions. These are untruthful for the most part but they are the same as the whacker in this case, they are always right and you are always wrong. When the wannabe crosses the line and imitates a public safety official with the intentions to do so, then they are known as an imposter. The average wannabe is probably a 16-50 year old male, working a security job or a job that gives them the feeling of power, lacking real power at their job or in their personal life and is obsessed with police/fire shows, catalogs, or books.

3. Pseudo Wannabe: The type of wannabe is more common in the world and you might even know one. This is the type who tries to live an everyday life but they live, breath, and sleep being a police officer or fire fighter. This type of wannabe will try to associate themselves with police officers or fire fighters and maybe even support staff for police and fire department. This wannabe will go out of their way to view an arrest or to see police do stuff that common citizens can't do. This wannabe will talk about how they want to be a police officer or fire fighter but are unwilling to pursue that dream. This wannabe will probably apply at any police department in the area and brag about it but never be accepted. This wannabe will also be found hanging in spots where off duty public safety officials and support staff hang out at such as restaurants, bars, or other gathering spots. When in conversations, you will find this wannabe dropping names of public safety officials or talking about how they might be associated with them although the association may be them just passing by each other. You also might find this type of wannabe joining volunteer fire departments or SAR/Canteen clubs to feel closer to the real thing.

[1987cp]

[Rizzo]

exactly